(W)holy, (W)holy, (W)holy: Health, Healing and Wholeness Article for January 2010
During the past few weeks, I’ve found myself wondering how Mary must have felt in the days following the birth of her son, Jesus. In artwork, she is often depicted with a demure smile, radiating with happiness and joy. What must it have been like to give birth to your first child, away from family, in less than hospitable conditions? In Matthew’s account, soon after the birth, Joseph and Mary are uprooted and on an unexpected trek to Egypt. What was going through her mind? In Luke’s account, in response to the shepherds’ stories, “Mary treasured all these words, and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke. 2:19, NRSV) We assume she had a smooth transition to motherhood. In a sense she appears to be the picture of the perfect mother.
But how do we console the woman who experiences a more difficult period of adjustment? One that is perhaps better expressed by Psalm 13:2, “How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long?” I am referring to the woman who suffers post-partum depression.
Within 48 hours of delivery, hormones rapidly drop and researchers appear to link this to the onset of depression in some women. But unlike the “baby blues,” postpartum depression does not lessen within a week to ten days. Instead, it can occur any time within the first year after the birth. Any combination of the following symptoms that last longer than two weeks may be signs of depression: feeling restless and irritable; feeling sad, hopeless and overwhelmed; crying a lot; having no energy or motivation; sleeping too little or too much; trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions; feeling worthless and guilty; withdrawing from friends and family; overwhelming anxiety; even being afraid of hurting the baby or oneself. Often a woman suffers in silence because she feels too ashamed to admit that she does not feel overjoyed by this new addition to her life.
Factors which compound postpartum depression include: doubting ones ability to be a good mother by setting up expectations of perfection; being physically exhausted due to the disruption of sleep; feeling a sense of loss in the changing of one’s identity; having less free time; lack of a good support system; having suffered from depression prior to pregnancy; and, for working moms, adjusting to a new routine and relying on someone else for child care.
Women suffering from depression following childbirth need to be taken seriously, not shamed. Untreated, postpartum depression can interfere with the mother’s ability to form a strong emotional bond with her child. Usually a combination of psychotherapy, sometimes medication, and establishing social support (all factors in treating “regular” depression) will work to alleviate the problem. If medication is ordered, and the mother is nursing, she should be sure to report this to the prescribing physician – many medications can be passed on to the infant.
Other things that can be helpful include: finding someone to talk to such as another mother, a friend, your spouse or someone who can be trusted to share real feelings; consciously carving out at least 15 minutes each day to do something for herself (e.g. soak in the tub, read, take a walk); stop trying to be the “perfect” mother; avoid spending a lot of time alone (getting out of the house helps); talking with other mothers perhaps doing a mom’s Bible study. In addition, try not to make any drastic life-altering changes immediately after giving birth, but if these changes are unavoidable (like relocating to Egypt), set up some support to help get through it.
If you are a new mom, and you begin to recognize yourself in the information above, don’t suffer in silence! Speak to your parish nurse, your pastor, your doctor, or midwife. There is no reason to feel ashamed. Post-partum depression is much more complex than not getting the right vitamins or a good night’s sleep! Get the help you need to get his new relationship off to a good start.
Epiphany blessings!
Debbie Best, Program Coordinator, Diakon Family Life Services
